Here's Bloggin' At You Kid!

Saturday, November 4, 2000

I received this in my mail yesterday, from a good friend who hates when I mention her name here. ;-)

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answers:

VICE PRESIDENT GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.

SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God In their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.

SECRETARY CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.

RALPH NADER
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tire makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it-the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without having their motives called into question.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road,and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?

GEORGE BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

Suzn 2:46:23 AM|

Thursday, November 2, 2000

Suzn 10:00:27 PM|

"St. Anthony come around. Something's lost and must be found."

Last week I lost a bracelet. Not just any bracelet but my favorite bracelet and the one I wear every day. My right wrist was uncomfortably bare. This past weekend I planned to go to the jewelry store to purchase a new one, it hadn't turned up anywhere, but I had so many things to do on Saturday, that I just didn't find the time.

Last week Maggie recited a small verse and told me that it was the prayer to St. Anthony, the patron saint of things lost and if I said it, he very possibly might help me find it. I wrote it down, but kept forgetting to bring the paper home from work. I'd try to recite what I could remember of it, but I knew I didn't have it quite right.

Last night, I was about to go to bed. It was still early but I was tired and thought I'd read for a while. The top sheet had become so tangled in the quilt I decided to rip the bed apart and fix it. So maybe I'll just recite the passage while I I'm doing that, it couldn't hurt, right? And it was awfully funny that the passage came to me just as Maggie had said it even though I'd forgotten the paper again today. I tore everything off of the bed, thinking it would be nice if I actually found the bracelet among the tangled mass of blankets. I glanced behind the bed and saw something by the baseboard. Honestly I look at that baseboard all the time and never see anything. I reached down and grabbed it. Well it wasn't the bracelet but I had to laugh, it was a hair barrette that has been missing for about 6 months. It was also a favorite of mine and I hadn't been able to find another like it. I told St. Anthony that it was kind of funny and still good work because I really liked that barrette (even though my hair's too short now and I can't really use it). Thank you St. Anthony.

Still reciting the verse, I put the bed and the bed clothes back together. I thought I'd just straighten up the desk a bit before calling it a night and I took the garbage can and walked over to it. My desk, that I sit at every day, with my six inch sticky notes pad, where it always is, has always been and which is used every day, every day, every day. But suddenly I noticed something was glinting just off to the left and behind it and my breath caught in my throat. I reached behind it and there it was, my bracelet, my favorite bracelet!!!

Thank you St. Anthony. You are truly amazing. ;-)

Suzn 6:08:47 AM|

Wednesday, November 1, 2000

Surrounded by many, struggling in quiet solitude. May she rest peacefully; struggle no more.

Suzn 7:09:58 PM|

What do you do if you wake in the morning to find you have only one cigarette and you have no milk for your coffee? Well, me, I decide to run to the convenience store, sans make up, sans shower, sans fixing hair. After all it's only a few blocks away. So I throw on a coat over my sweats and I just do it.

The girl behind the counter looks at my purchases, then looks at me, then at my purchases, then at me and says, "Susan is that you!? Wow, you look...errr...different."

hmmmph.

Suzn 7:47:59 AM|

Tuesday, October 31, 2000

Jann, you are such a sweet person, and my evening assuredly will now be filled with sweet aspirations. I am eating them at this moment, yummy, soft and wonderfully sweet (but not too sweet) shortbread. I think it's possible I'm in cookie heaven. One Pumpkin decorated shortbread treat down the hatch. I think the Ghost is calling me. OMG this is going to be so awesome with coffee I can't wait till the morning. Thank you for such a sweet gift (yes there is a pun intended) and for being such a sweet person too!

Suzn 9:54:59 PM|

Fair is a silly word, meaningless, superficial...but it's just not fair. Not fair to hurt so badly, not fair to feel such pain, not fair to have so many tears.

I am truly sorry for your sadness, and for your Mom's pain, and full well knowing my meager words don't cut it either and wishing, once again, I had a magic wand.

{{{{{{{{{Elise}}}}}}}} comforting energies coming your way.

Suzn 7:04:42 AM|

Happy Halloween!

Suzn 6:37:02 AM|

Monday, October 30, 2000

In the summer, I forget. In fact it's even pleasant, great even when the sun is rising and I open the door first thing in the morning and the warm air hits my face. It's getting cold here now. It's like a shock because in the summer I forget. So when I open the door to let the dogs out and the cold air surrounds me I wonder again, "There's gotta be a way to teach the dogs to use the bathroom."

There's something wrong about the fact that after they have gone outside, and I'm still trying to warm up, wake up, make some coffee, and psyche myself for my day ahead, I walk into the bedroom and they are snuggled in the bed--under the covers.

Where's the justice!!??

Suzn 5:45:42 AM|

Sunday, October 29, 2000

The Princess...because you are one. :-) The Prince Charming--if found he will be immediately chained and and locked in a closet, but I'll let ya look at him. ;-) But he's mine I tell ya, mine, mine, mine.

And yes, I do believe in spirits.

The sun is shining so brightly here today and it seems that the winds have abated. Yesterday's strong and unrelenting winds however, have left my lawn, which was just cleaned on Thursday, covered in leaves. Covered. In leaves. I guess I have no debate about what I will be doing today.