I hold on to issues and don't let them go. It only hurts me. I'm sure it's not good for my health.

I had a huge fight, yes fight, and yes it was huge, with my neighbor yesterday.

What can I expect from someone named Wally.

I'm having some back problems. It seems that although chronic for many years, with age it is getting worse.

I am going to hire someone to do the yard work because it really takes a toll on my back, however, because of all of the rain we've had no one can start for another week. I'm doing what I can.

Yesterday, my neighbor Wally decided to make some snide remark about the way I was doing the lawn and I lost it.

I didn't lose it immediately, I first said that I was trying to get someone to come in to help however it would be another week. Wally replied that it needed to be soon or "did I know the town might not like it" and then I lost it.

I hate that. I hate that he had that much of an effect on me, that I allowed myself to act so childish. I hate that I let myself down to Wally's level.

I told him everything that I didn't like about him for the last 5 years.

The fact that he acquired his house by befriending the elderly couple that lived there. That he and his wife sucked up to them for a year and then they died, and left him the house. I told him his house was ugly and the architect who designed the addition should have his license revoked. I told him that if I could take 2-3 hours on company time each day to come home and play with the plants my house would look perfect too. I told him if I was a 6 foot tall man instead of a 5 foot tall woman, we'd not be having this conversation which prompted him to tell me that he could take on anybody and he was the badest man around. Yeah right.

I told him all of that, and more. My parting remark was to say, no I didn't say it I screamed it, "too bad your brain is only as small as your penis."

I told him all that and now I'm telling you because I'm not letting it go and I need to.

My first thought this morning was to throw dog poop in his pool. Somebody stop me.

What possesses me to check for spelling mistakes and typos AFTER I've posted. Sometimes I'm sure I'd be better off not knowing.

If you read the post down there, the long one, you may have noticed I typed toilet bowel instead of toilet bowl. Ha the dreaded toilet bowel. I am having severe difficulty maintaining my composure. ;-)

Because I didn't totally fulfill my obligations to Bogey today, I decided to do so in another way. So we got dressed..well I got dressed, Bogey was nekked, and took a stroll in the park. Although he did not say so in so many words, I got the feeling he liked the park better than he would have liked being neutered. Dontcha think?

The only bad thing about that is that when I got home, Buddy looked like he felt left out so I had to go and take him for a walk in the park.

I could, I suppose, handle them both but it becomes a bit crazy if they both get excited at the same time. Like when they see another dog.

Buddy is much more well behaved, or should I say less excitable than Bogey. Bogey is still much like a puppy and when they both start jumping around and having a little old free for all and the leashes become tangled, it's not a pretty site. Especially because I'm just under 5 feet and they collectively weigh more than I do. They could conceivably drag me to kingdom come so it's easier to go with the one at a time plan.

Still it made for a great start to the day. It's beautiful here today as opposed to yesterday's rainy gloom and it did get my adrenalin going.

I started to do some laundry when I returned home, only to find that the top shelf in the closet had fallen down. It's amazing how much stuff I had up there and how eagerly it fell to greet me when I opened the door. Guess it was feeling neglected.

It's one of those white rubber on steel or aluminum closet organizer whole things that I had put up many (13 to be exact) years ago. I guess I can't complain being it lasted that long. The bracket had broken and so I headed off to Home Depot for a new one.

I really don't go there often since they moved it about 30 mins. from me. I used to live there (actually I liked Rickels best) so as I passed K-Mart (only 10 mins away) I thought, sure, they must have brackets there. I promptly steered into the parking lot..that was my first mistake.

"Can you tell me where the brackets are please?"

"Brackets? Whatchoo meeeen?"

"You know, brackets, for holding something up on a wall, like a shelf."

"No sorry lady, we don't have brackets here."

I found another person. I repeated my question, "Can you tell me where the brackets are please?"

"Brackets? Whatchoo meeeen?"

"You know, brackets, for holding something up on a wall, like a shelf"

"OK lady, show me."

What is wrong with this picture? "If I could show you I'd know where they were now wouldn't I? Then I would not be asking you 'where are the brackets!!!'"

By now, I'm feeling a bit like a rabid dog (temper, temper) but I'm determined to find the brackets. I've already covered half of the store, they had to be there somewhere.

OK so I'm a sucker. I thought I'd ask the girl at the courtesy desk.

"Can you tell me please, where are the brackets?" (maybe if I'd rephrase it I'd be better understood?)

"Brackets, whatchoo meeeen?"

Ok I'm done, cooked and fried to a crisp now. I will find them myself.

And you know what? I did. Sure they were right where they should have been, mixed in with the stuff to fix your toilet bowl and the lightbulbs.

Next time it's Home Depot. My quickie excursion cost me way more time than 30 mins.

I could give you the long version of how I got the shelf rehung but no sense boring you completely in one post.

I'm feeling foolish and just way too attached. I didn't have the courage to bring Bogey in to be neutered today. I had nightmares last night. I've been, as the days were passing, feeling increasingly weaker about this decision.

I know it's because the last time I saw Misha was the day I brought her in for surgery. She was having an exploration of her abdomen and as it turned out she did have Cancer. She had lost a lot of weight, she wasn't doing very well, but all I can remember is that I brought her in for surgery and never saw her again.

It's been 4 years and I thought I'd let it go. I was feeling pretty strong when I made the appointment for Bogey. I looked at him when I awoke today. Why did he seem particularly cuddly? Why did he seem like he knew something was about to happen?

Shoot, baggage. Sometimes it's way too heavy.

Vanity plate seen today, gave me a laugh........"Tush e"

I get tired of hearing the same shit. It was many moons ago that I was in a group with someone. I remember seeing a post, it said something to the effect, "yeah so it will keep out all of the wannabees." The quote is not correct totally. Wannabees was definitely used. I remember wondering what it was that could be missing in that persons life, wondering if I'd been transported back to high school and thinking I really didn't like this person very much, if I could like or dislike someone based upon one remark. I wasn't in the mood to feel compassion for the poor misguided soul, I wasn't in the mood to say to myself, aww, she just needs friends, some strokes, some...thing. It was black and white...I didn't want to know her. My instincts proved right. She didn't turn out to be someone I'd want to know.

It wasn't until after I'd linked this site in my blog that I realized who it was. I removed the link, done, fini, it's that simple and I'm tired of hearing shit about it. Get a life.

A long and arduous story follows, I'm just warning ya.

This is a story, an experience, a lesson. For me it was a lesson in trusting my instincts no matter how unpopular it would make me.

Her name was Gayle (a common name, and I'm referring to no one here in the blog community). On the surface she would appear bright, bubbly, I guess generally fun and someone everyone could like. Except I didn't like her.

I worked in a small unit. There were only 6 of us, Gayle made 7. It's difficult when you don't like someone and she's in your face every day. I'm not the best at hiding my feelings. I was polite, even if I couldn't be friendly but my co workers were noticing. I was polite, but yes I was a little bit cold.

I didn't dislike her for any tangible reason. It was a feeling I can't describe, and couldn't describe, and so it seemed arbitrary, and probably mean to others.

My co workers, heck even my boss were starting to look at me strangely. Especially when I started requesting to work on Gayle's off days.

The unit was on the 11th floor and out of the way of other areas. Departments were being restructured and moved, and we were the last to go. Although you could access the unit directly from the elevators, all rooms were locked at night, and opened with keys obtained from security, in the morning. All except one that is, the anteroom to the locker room where the sign-in sheet was kept.

The first person to arrive that day walked into the anteroom, picked up the attendance list and received quite a shock. On the 11x17 paper were hideous and lewd comments all directed at Gayle. Comments that related to what type of sex acts the person who wrote this would do to Gayle. Written in the basest of language with pictures drawn as well.

It was a frightening time for most of us. Who would do such a thing? Who could we trust? Was it the housekeeping men who cleaned up after we left? The transportation men who arrived earlier than we did?

It was of course reported to security. Our security consists largely of the city police. It became a police matter. Personnel were questioned. The housekeeping personnel were literally dragged in and interrogated. Many of them where frightened and very upset by this. Many of them were from other countries on a working Visa and were terrified that they would be marked.

I said it was a frightening time for most of us. Most of us except me, who knew immediately who had committed this act. I knew but did I know? I thought I knew but I was concerned about the repercussions of coming forward when all I had to go on was my gut instinct.

By the time this happened, my "friends" had begun to look at me differently. What was my problem? Why didn't I like Gayle? She was great!! I was somehow so very wrong for my feelings. By this time, I could feel the distance.

It took me several days, days in which people lived in fear, days in which people were interrogated, days which were difficult on many. I approached my then Nurse Manager, hesitantly for me, concerned that nothing would be done and this in fact would ostracize me further from the group. I told her I thought that Gayle had done it.

It wasn't a pleasant encounter. I think that at first, she felt so outraged that I would question Gayles honor, question even her sanity, that she raised her eyebrows repeatedly telling me I must be wrong.

Maybe it haunted her, maybe, I don't know, because I never asked. She did however tell the administrator, who told the police, who called Gayle in for questioning.

There were rumors of writing analyses, but apparently when confronted, Gayle broke down and admitted that she had done it.

Needless to say Gayle ceased to work with us from that day. I don't know what the entire outcome was. I really didn't want to know.

I did learn two things:

1. If the only security to be derived in life is from the friends you run with, it's not security at all.

2. Trust in my heart, trust in what I feel, trust in what I know, even when I'm unsure of how I know it. In other words, trust in myself.