See it? There's one right there---->

Spoils of the day:

1. Newish hair color, it's still reddish blonde but now has streaks.
2. 3 new suits courtesy of Macy's
3. 6 new pair of hose, 3 called Vanilla and 3 called Sand Beige
4. New book-Nightshade by John Saul
5. New CD: Sting-Brand New Day (bluesy, jazzy, sultry, sexy)


No new TV yet but I'm working on it. Wasn't that what I was supposed to get? Must've gotten sidetracked somehow. ;-)

I was awakened at 6:48am to the sound of the monster lawnmower from Pat's Lawn Service mowing the lawn. It was intermingled with the sound of the monster weed whacker whackin' the lamp post. That funny metallic sound that goes right through you. I sure hope my nasty neighbor is happy. I know I'm not. Buddy and Bogey? I'm not sure, it seems they wanted to go out and play with the monsters.

Gotta get my hairs cut today, go to the cleaners and look for a new TV. I don't know about the new clothes dryer or any of the other things I need. I don't really feel like spending my entire day indoors but it looks like that's where I'm headed. Gotta go with the flow I guess.

Bobi, and I met at a lovely Italian restaurant at about 5:30pm. I had left work a bit early so I could race home to the dogs and race out to the restaurant. I was a little stressed out trying to time it all but it worked out fine. Life is too short. I don't know still, even when I know better, why I let the little things stress me out.

I think there is something that has always been special between Bobi and I. Like we are sisters, almost. We rehashed a lot of stuff, learned who we've grown to be, somewhat, and learned where we've been, just enough to get to know each other once again.

In the small space of three hours, we laughed and cried together, dumped some of our mutual baggage on the table, and promised we would not see each other so infrequently again.

I know, promises, but I do think that this one we will keep.

Perhaps it's that we've aged and our respective parents have aged, and we've both lost a parent along the way. Perhaps it's that we see time passing so quickly with so much left undone and so many things that we can already say we wish we had done. Perhaps it's just that sometimes there is this realization that family is really important and they need to know that before they are gone forever.We need to know them and embrace them before we can only wish we had.

A lot happened, in an emotional way, in ways both spoken and unspoken and some which I'm not prepared to write here, more because it's not that tangible for words than because I don't want to. But some you know because you've been there too.

It was a good night. It was filled with the laughter of our childhood, the tears of our losses ( Bobi's Mom, my aunt, passed away 9 months ago, a huge shock to all of us and a huge loss) and the smiles of our wins. It was also filled with the admiration that we have always had for one another.

I love you Bobi, and I do believe that promises are meant for keeping. See you soon. :-)

I went to bed at about 8:30pm. My head was so heavy I couldn't hold it up any longer (the Benadryl I guess). My Mom called me at 9:30pm. The storm started at 10:30pm.

It was the strangest thunder I'd ever heard. It started as a low rumble that completed itself. But before the low rumble was done, another louder force swelled and broke, like the thunder was coming from two different places. I pictured in my mind a small explosion, topped by an atomic bomb.

The rain sounded torrential, the dogs were restless and panting. I didn't get much sleep last nite.

I'm meeting my cousin Bobi for dinner. We will probably drink wine and I'll probably be exhausted and I'll flop in the bed when I do get home.

I'll have to race home from work to feed and water the critters and then race to meet her at the restaurant. I feel exhausted already.

I had to leave work a little early to be at home when the "cable person" arrived. My TV has been acting up for about a week now and I thought it was the TV, not the cable but thought I'd get that confirmation before going out to buy a new set. It's now confirmed. TV tuner is on it's way out for good so I guess it's time. I could use a new VCR as well, the rewind doesn't work and it's pretty old. I also need a new clothes dryer.

I hope they'll give me a discount if I buy them all.

Of course I just received my income tax refunds about a month ago. When I got them I didn't notice the wings, but seems they will be flying away real soon.

I was leaving one highway to get on another on my way home from work. There on the access ramp, actually on the median of the access ramp was a pretty Rottweiller with a collar and leash, pacing, and taking small steps off of the median but becoming frightened by the cars.

I had to pull over but I wish I could have done more.

I managed to get the dogs attention at least and she came over to me, sniffed my hand and paced by me a little more. A guy stopped to see if I needed help and here are now two cars holding up this rush hour traffic. I had to call 911. I wish that I had infinite space and resources. I know I'll be haunted because I couldn't take her home.

By this time she had just come and lain beside me. But she did snap at the guy who tried to grab her leash. I checked her collar and there were no tags.

The state trooper arrived and took her away.

At least I know the area has a no kill shelter that even works with the vet I use. Still she was frightened. How sad to have such an uncertain future. I wish I could love them all. Right now, I just want to scream or cry, I'm not sure which, maybe both.

Rude Awakening:

Michael is a young man (he is just shy of 21) who is working in my department for the summer. He attends Bucknell University. He is bright, personable, and fit right in. I think of us as pals.

This morning when Michael passed my office I noticed he had dyed the front of his hair a little lighter blonde than the rest. It looked good and I commented on it.

Michael exclaimed, "Wow, you noticed right away, it took my Mom a lot longer to notice!"

It was then that the awakening began: "Thanks Michael, sure right away you have to mention your Mother!"

Then the awakening got rude: Oh no Susan, actually I think you are younger than my Mom, she is 46."

"Gulp"

Do you think that somatic discomfort occurs from negative emotions? I do.

I felt lousy on Sunday. I felt like I was getting the flu, and my back ached. It lasted into Monday a bit. I think it's passing now.

My father died in 1991. It's impossible to believe it's been almost 10 years since the last time I saw him, held him, touched him and saw him smile.

My Dad was a gentle man. Often hurt during his life and often frustrated by his life. I remember that with sadness.

He was an artist, musician and comedian unfulfilled. He spent his life supporting his family working for an insurance firm. He wanted to draw, to play the piano and to make others laugh.

What I remember most clearly and with a buoyancy of feeling is the way he would smile and crinkle his eyes when he looked at me. I would always be his little girl, and the joy of his life. To see the pride he had in me, to see this in his eyes was a heady thing. To be so loved, so unconditionally is amazing.

I do miss you Daddy.

Just a little change.

Small to say the least.

Tale as old as time,

Song as old as rhyme,

Beauty and the Beast.

I am not fond of that song. The verse is stuck in my head from a commercial I heard on the radio this morning. It's really annoying me. I thought maybe if I dumped it here, it'd leave my head.

Sometimes it is not just physical pain, nor is it our own pain that makes us want to die. Sometimes it is in having seen too much pain, too much sadness, too much evil.

If you have not yet seen "The Green Mile" it is time. I assure you, there will not be a dry eye in the house. It will leave your heart bursting. It will make you think, it will make you feel and it will certainly make you cry.

I love you John Coffey (like the drink but not spelled the same).

I love you Mr. Jingles.